Finding a Partner in Life 

Mr. Rodzaj began his forum to the students by stating: 

“It’s been said that there’s perhaps nothing better than a happy, healthy marriage relationship. In making human beings in his image, God created male and female to exist in a … healthy, mutually beneficial relationship.”

 To achieve this, Mr. Rodzaj provided: seven questions and four essential principles to consider in finding a partner for life. We must be aware, however, that no person is perfect and no one will be able to fulfill all of these questions and principles that are critical for marriage. His goal was for us to have better discernment when looking for a spouse and to reflect on how we ourselves can grow.

He defined a partner as, “Somebody you walk hand in hand with, arm and arm with, through all the ups and downs of life and all the challenges that you face.”

Questions to Consider

1. Is the person totally committed to God?

To be totally committed to God, a person must have been baptized, had hands laid on to receive the Holy Spirit, and be deeply converted. He gave the example of how “Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it,” (Ephesians 5:25) to illustrate the level of commitment the potential partner must have. Furthermore, we should seek someone who has the same spiritual identity as us, to be of like mind. This will affect how you raise your future kids and the church you attend. Mr. Rodzaj offered some criteria for evaluating if a person is totally committed:

1. How does the person answer questions on their calling?
2. Do they have a “criteria” for evaluating which church God is working with?
3. Do they have a solid personal relationship with God?
4. Are they seeking God daily?
5. Do you feel unconditionally accepted by the other person?

Does the other person recognize that people have differences but are still able to accept them? Romans 15:7 states, “Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God”. They do not try to change you or make you act a certain way according to their ideals. Everyone has faults, but this does not mean we ignore sin. In addition to your acceptance by the other person, you also need to be self-aware as to how God sees you.

3. Does the person have emotional maturity?

Consider how your potential mate handles offenses; how do they respond when they’re hurt? How do they deal with family struggles? How do they handle situations that don’t go to plan? If a person isn’t able to handle these situations with emotional maturity, it can cause problems within the marriage.

4. What are their family priorities?

You should be aware of their family backgrounds and how their family functions in comparison to yours. Know how their parents’ relationship works. Discuss each other’s views on the roles within marriage, namely as a wife and mother and vice versa. If the desires for the future family are not in harmony, then the marriage will be contentious.

5. Are they financially responsible?

1 Timothy 5:8 states, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Husbands should have a strong work ethic and be able to provide for a family. Wives too have a role to play; they should show self-control and spend the money the husband makes wisely. A partner should be able to live according to a budget.

6. Do they have a biblical perspective on sex and its place in marriage? 

A future mate should respect that sex is only for marriage and is sacred as Hebrews 13:4 describes. Sex is meant to unite a couple and provide pleasure; it is not for self-gratification. A person’s view on sex and its place in marriage can be observed through their habits as well as their dress. 

7. How do they respond to authority?

Romans 13:1 states, “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God.” Consider these questions:

1. How does the person relate to those in authority over them?
2. Do they show respect for authority?
3. Do they know their limits and boundaries as assigned by man and God? Are they willing to submit to authority?

Principles to Keep in Mind.

Mr. Rodzaj next provided four principles to consider when preparing for a future partner.

1. Let God be the Matchmaker

He gave the example of how God provided Adam with his wife Eve to show how He will provide a partner for us. We shouldn’t try to force a relationship or take it into our own hands. God needs to be involved, and when it is a relationship that God is guiding, it will always be blessed. Proverbs 19:14 states that “a prudent wife is from the Lord.” 

2. Remain as objective as you can

Mr. Rodzaj described what often happens the more time two people spend with each other. In his example, they start off on parallel lines but slowly lose objectivity the more time they spend together. This causes the lines to converge. Lack of objectivity can lead to rejection of family and friends’ advice on the relationship and can cause head and heartache down the line.

3. Never be Afraid to Counsel about a Relationship at any Time

Seek wise and experienced counsel on your relationship, this could be older married couples in the Church or others such as ministers. Do not be tempted to solely rely on the opinion of peers.

4. If in Doubt about a Potential Marriage Partner, Wait

“You don’t want to rush in. You have the rest of your life ahead…Remember, you’ve got a lot more years ahead of you, and it’s better to spend them happily. You know, this decision will impact the rest of your life”

Final Thoughts

Mr. Rodzaj concluded by pointing out we must be willing to do what is right when it comes to choosing a future partner to be married to. “Wait for the right conditions.” Proverbs 18:22 states “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.” Your future happiness depends on asking the right questions and following the right principles now.